Every day, another day

Joy meter: 3
I went for a walk today. I wish I could see that as a sign of progress, but I also blew off church (not thrilling my mother) and I'm also really angry.
Why?
Let me count the ways.
I still have so much to prepare for leaving the country; I procrastinate and stall; leave things for the last minute; still haven't gotten out my recommendation postage letters sent; my computer's parental controls are completely screwy; only one of my friends has deigned to call me in the last two weeks; I missed the trip to my alma matter b/c of poor planning; need to send for transcripts; my GRE prep software isn't working right; haven't cashed my last meager paychecks; not sure if my counseling session is still on after missing for two weeks due to us forgetting about Labor Day; been reading absolute junk; haven't updated my fics; spent money on clothes & shoes I'm not sure I can wear when I teach ESL; missed my vitamins yesterday; been stuck with my parents - with my mom in 'i need everything neat, clean and in different positions' mood; and just realized I haven't done a job I agreed to almost a month ago. - And when I tried to explain the friend thing to my mom, she tried to convince me I wasn't being sympathetic enough or if I would just...
Oh and I'm oversleeping, yet still exhausted all the time.
It's been a bad week.
My mom tries to assure I'm not the only one feeling isolated etc. How does that help? There's other people out there feeling as isolated and alone as me. Yay, what a reason for joy. That just means there's more miserable people out there like me.
I wish/want to change my life - but I always do. How is the more things around you change, the more you feel like you yourself doesn't?

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

This past week has been huge. Marie, one of my best friends, got married to the Brit of her dreams, soon to head off to England. I see my baby nephew Eli - who is so close to walking, for the last time before taking off for six months in Thailand. And I visit my alma mater for the first time as an alumna - it's all so much.
Lives are coming to new beginnings, big changes, growth and progress - and I'm admist it, even now deciding my future with grad school applications, yet feeling like I'm somehow the same person as I was ten years ago while marveling at how much has changed.
This is a blog to my friends as they scatter across the globe. I want to use it to speak to them - to you, the inane - often humourous - details of my life as well as the deep musings and questions. I love you all and I do not want to lose contact with you. Comment when/if you can or e-mail me.