Another Year

Wow, it's almost been a year since I last posted. -wince-
So here I am in my apartment, thanking God for my great roomie. I am now going through my book collection to see what books I should get rid of - and figured out since I haven't read more than half of them, I need to read them before I do.
Pinocchio nation: embracing truth in a culture of lies is the one I'm on now. Despite the title, it's actually really interesting about truth being practical and why it's important. (I may keep it - Anna will be thrilled...)
So what's the truth about my life right now?

I'm half-way through my second year at American University; I dropped down to two classes a semester in order to work at an ESL center. The classes were great, a Research Seminar and Cross-Cultural Communication, but I still had trouble focusing on them. Balancing school and work is tough, especially since I struggle with fatigue. But I now have a full draft of a research proposal and two places I will send it too - my goal is to do research in SE Asia next year for my thesis.

At the same time, I remember God telling me to go for the PhD program. And now I'm dragging my feet. I haven't contacted my references, though I have two excellent ones lined up. Last year, my AU references didn't get them in for weeks (unlike Dr. Winquist who was awesome about it!), which did not help my application - and I was eventually denied.

It's daunting right now. I was talking with my sister and she has a general plan for the next 2-5 years. And I realized that this one choice: PhD or research ensures my next few years. The PhD grounds me in DC for the next 5 and I'll probably settle here (an ack-I-really-am-an-adult moment). The research on the other hand, means I'm at loose ends afterward, though the Boren Fellowship entails a commitment to the State Department afterward. It's a little scary.

I told my sister that I want to do research, teach and write. And it's true. And to do research, well, as much as I loved Taylor, it did not prepare me well. Honestly, I need more preparation, which AU can give me. I guess I'm just worried about not getting in - and so am currently sabotaging myself. Won't mom be pleased.

I do love DC, but I've been hesitating to really engage myself. A friend recently sent an e-mail, confiding: "because I don't want to be here I find myself not actually living here, not engaging in life and people to the fullest and in obedience to Christ." I'm doing that, but I think more because I don't want to give myself and then lose those relationships. I keep thinking DC is just temporary and so if I can just get by...

I hate 'just getting by' though. My sister and I have always disagreed about this one point - and I feel like it's cultural. Our culture is all about getting to know yourself, accepting who you are and capitalizing on it. I disagree.

"When we embrace who we are-warts, scars, blisters, and all-something amazing begins to happen. An honest assessment of our flaws and challenges can lead us to viable action to deal with them. Then those things within us that we fear, those things that we don't want anyone else to see, lose their power." (p.48)

A long time ago, I decided I will never be perfectly content with 'just getting by'. But it's easier when I don't have to talk to people who ask how I'm doing. But I don't want easier. God never promised an easy life, but He did promise a more abundant one and I'm holding onto that.

So my New Year's Resolution? Talking to at least one family member, friend, church person (not counting my mom), who will ask me that every week.

Realization of Potential

I'm going to be busy this semester, as in I've-never-been-so-busy-but-for-last-semester-Taylor busy.

AND IT'S AWESOME!!! I'm so happy to be busy - I've always felt like I waste so much time and could be doing more. Not this semster.

So my schedule: I'm doing work-study under one of the new International Comm. teachers who's majorly into virtual collaboration. So that's 10 hours as well as the fact I'm TAing his class, Cross Cultural Collaboration in Global Virtual Teams, which means I get it for free.

I've been trying to get more paid work, even applied to be Admin. Assistant to Southeast Asia for International Justice Mission!!! (which would be so sweet), but no bites so far. So I agreed to intern for the Intercultural Management Institute again. I.e. I love working there and can go to free Skills Institutes again. (Yay!) So that's another 15 hours.

I have full courses, T&W night, Program Eval (in ID, pretty heavy) and Implementing Cross-Cultural Training Programs (at George Washington - finally got fully registered) and then every other Saturday: Managing International/Intercultural Programs.

Very happy with my selection, though if I don't get into the PhD program, next year's going to be a bit rough.

Then, I have: Chi Alpha small group, Interfaith Board meeting (though I'm more of attend-the-events, not plan person), The Gathering worship service, InterVarsity Graduate meet, Gospel Choir, TALK program (International students-American, very cool) and then Chi Alpha worship.

So, yup, I'm busy! Of course, I haven't actually done one of these full weeks yet, so we'll see what happens. (Though I did manage to get all this scheduled so I don't have to ever wake up before 9 am. :))

A New Year

It's funny.
Every year, the countdown to New Years has always been a bit stressful for me - a time of accounting. I'd flip open my journal on New Years' Eve, just hours before countdown, trying to make sense of my year, write hopeful promises for the future. I always craved that sense of a fresh start.

This year I didn't - the pure mundaneness of that day and night was soothing. I have more hope? contentment? peace? with my current life.

Then again, I just figured out my vitamins have a rather sizable chunk of caffeine in it. Could be why I'm so peppy.

Anyway, for my update: I'm still having some shoulder issues, but currently okay; my big news is I'm applying for a PhD through American's International Relations program!!!! I won't find out I'm in until mid/late Febuary but I'm hopeful.

Meanwhile, I spent a great Christmas with my whole family (baby Eli including, he is so wonderful!!!!) and spent a decent amount of time working on understanding each of my family members, always an undertaking. (It's like intellectual and emotional relational exercises everytime I go home.)

Now, this week: International Student orientation (I'm helping out) and a Teaching Conference on Friday. Also my roommate, Ana, has her little brother and sister here for Orthodox Christmas, Jan. 8th, so we have a tree set up and everything. I'm so glad, though it looks like they're just as much night owls as Ana!